Stephen King\u2019s\u00a0work\u00a0has been adapted so many times \u2014 sometimes by King himself \u2014 that it\u2019s impossible to find a single unifying thread in all of the film adaptations. Sure, a lot of them are horror (certainly a lot of the worst are horror), but that\u2019s largely because the boom period for King movies was the 1980s, when he was known solely as a horror writer. As his canvas (and reputation) has expanded over the years, his work has been turned into dramas, comedies, musicals, and even a Bollywood movie.<\/p>\n
Because of this dissonance, ranking King movies is particularly difficult:\u00a0The Mangler\u00a0<\/em>and\u00a0The Shawshank Redemption\u00a0<\/em>barely seem to exist on the same plane of dimensional existence, let alone on the same list of movies. But nonetheless, with the latest King adaptation,\u00a0It<\/em>, opening this week, we gave it the old college try. (For the purposes of this list, we looked at theatrical releases only, and excluded\u00a0Lawnmower Man<\/em>, an \u201cadaptation\u201d so vastly different from the original that\u00a0King sued<\/a>\u00a0to get his name off it.) With one notable exception, you\u2019ll find the adapted movies turned out much like King himself: They got more serious and substantial with age.<\/p>\n 40.\u00a0Maximum Overdrive\u00a0<\/em>(1986).\u00a0<\/strong>The one movie King ever directed, and \u2026 well, you know, Stephen King is a wonderful writer who should\u00a0probably\u00a0<\/em>stick with writing. The movie\u2019s tone is set in the opening scene, in which a man (played by King) tries to take money out of an ATM, and the ATM calls him an asshole. Apparently, a comet has passed by Earth and given mechanical objects sentience, and once they attack humanity, Emilio Estevez helps lead a human resistance. The movie isn\u2019t even absurd enough to have fun with this lunatic premise, and King has zero skills as a director \u2014\u00a0visually, narratively, or in any other sense. King has called it the worst adaptation of any of his works, and we are not about to disagree. Though,\u00a0according to King:\u00a0\u201cI was coked out of my mind all through its production, and I really didn\u2019t know what I was doing.\u201d<\/p>\n 39.\u00a0The Mangler\u00a0<\/em>(1995).<\/strong>\u00a0Of all the Stephen King adaptations, we must confess that this one has our favorite title. Boy, though, is this thing ridiculous. What, exactly, is \u201cthe Mangler,\u201d you ask? Well, the Mangler is a demonically possessed \u2026\u00a0laundry press<\/em>! This setup leads to hilarious scenes of an angry laundry press pressing up and down, like a hungry, hungry hippo.<\/p>\n https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=ZBpMe19hdGY<\/p>\n Eventually the Mangler develops legs and starts chasing people.<\/em> <\/p>\n 38.\u00a0Graveyard Shift<\/em>\u00a0(1990).<\/strong>\u00a0Graveyard Shift\u00a0<\/em>is as schlocky as low-budget horror films get. Its premise: Overnight workers at an abandoned-then-reopened textile mill keep dying, and no one can figure out why. Wanna guess why? We don\u2019t want to give it away. All right, they\u2019re being killed by \u2026 a giant bat! Because bats hunt at night, you see. (In the short story, it\u2019s a giant rat. Bats are much more cinematic.) This movie looks like it was made for about $35, but it does feature a truly insane closing credits song.<\/p>\n
\n It\u2019s all terrible, but, you never know, it might be your thing.<\/em>
\n Maybe you\u2019re into laundry-press cosplay. You do you.<\/em><\/p>\n